We've finally reached that point where we can't even tell the difference any more between a legitimate news headline and Onion satire.
But I can assure you what you are about to read is 100% true.
If you have any doubt, feel free to fact-check it.
Ready?
The United States Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is apparently seriously considering participating in a proposed reality TV show titled The American in which, for a chance at obtaining expedited US citizenship, 12 contestants arrive at New York's Ellis Island by "citizen ship" then travel by train across the country to compete in challenges like log rolling in Wisconsin and collecting gold in a San Francisco mine.
This bright idea is the brain child of television producer Rob Worsoff, who, according to the New York Times, explained "immigrants in the show would compete in challenges in various states". One challenge he envisions could see immigrants assembling and launching rockets in Texas or Florida to spotlight NASA, and "trivia or civic challenges".
DHS spokeswoman Tricia McLaughlin commented:
The pitch generally was a celebration of being an American and what a privilege it is to be able to be a citizen of the United States of America. It's important to revive civic duty.
"Reviving civic duty" by making immigrants humiliate themselves for Americans' cheap entertainment?
According to The Daily Mail that first ran the story, Worsoff said, "As an immigrant myself, I am merely trying to make a show that celebrates the immigration process, celebrate what it means to be American and have a national conversation about what it means to be American, through the eyes of the people who want it most."
Read that again: "Celebrate what it means to be American and have a national conversation about what it means to be American, through the eyes of the people who want it most."
I'm sure everyone reading thing could come up with several ways to celebrate what it means to be an American that doesn't involve a multi-billion-dollar entertainment industry training television camera on desperate people subjected to humiliating stunts.
I'm engaging in one right now-- exercising my first-amendment right to free speech writing about this absurd idea.
All over, people-- citizens and non-citizens alike-- are peaceably assembling each week to protest the anti-American authoritarian agenda positioning us on the precipice of dictatorship.
How about reinstating a national civics education?
Want to have "a national conversation about what it means to be American through the eyes of the people who want it most"? How about instead of demonizing and scapegoating refugees answering the call for better lives we have decided is our national ethos, we adhere to our own laws that unambiguously protect all on our soil with due process, regardless of citizenship status?
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